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Not Your Grandma’s Recipe for Processing Emotions
Emotions shape every decision we make and every action we take-or avoid. Today, we wrap up our enlightening series on emotions with a powerful guide to truly processing them.
We've covered resisting, reacting, and distracting ourselves from emotions (links at the bottom if you missed them). Resisting emotions is like trying to hold a beachball underwater; they eventually surface in unhelpful ways. Reacting, such as yelling or crying, releases energy but doesn't fully process the feeling. Distracting through overeating/drinking, gaming, shopping, etc., is common but doesn't address the root emotion. I've shared my journey, highlighting tendencies to avoid fully processing emotions.
Today, I'll offer a formula for processing emotions.
Step 1: Holding Space
Pause and refrain from judging, thinking, or having opinions about the emotion. All emotions are valid and part of our human experience. Developing this non-judgmental pause takes time, as our social programming often leads us to immediate opinions.
Step 2: Describing the Experience
Breathe and let the emotion be present in your body. Notice any urge to react, distract, or resist, and gently bring yourself back. Conduct a mental body scan, describing sensations as if reporting to a doctor; or explaining to a Martian the experience of feeling a particular emotion.
Start from your feet and slowly move upwards.
Notice any tight muscles, gurgles, twitches, or changes in heart rate. Describe these sensations in detail.
As you practice, you'll begin to sense vibrations or energy rather than just physical sensations. Where is it centered? Is it tightness, a buzz, heaviness, or a pressure? Visualize it-what color, shape, or texture does it have?
Avoid trying to explain why you have the emotion or what you're thinking. You may also fear the emotion will overtake you. This is valid because, as children, emotions often did overwhelm us, but as adults, we are equipped to handle any emotion. By describing what is happening factually, you'll notice that emotions are not as overwhelming as they seem.
Step 3: Naming the Emotion
Naming the emotion is powerful. Emotions carry messages and seek acknowledgment. Simply say, "I feel..." and fill in the blank (discouraged, hurt, frustrated, etc.). As you practice, your emotional vocabulary will grow. The key is to sense what's happening in your body more than identifying the exact emotion.
Step 4: Being with the Emotion
Welcome the emotion rather than shutting it out. Letting it in is like keeping the beachball above water. Often, the emotion's energy will pass through your body in less than 90 seconds - far less time and stress than avoiding it.
If the emotion lingers, let it be. Acknowledge it and continue with your tasks. For example, "Ok, anxiety, I see you. Thank you for trying to protect me, but we're giving this presentation anyway. You can come along if you'd like."
Conclusion: Embrace Your Emotional Journey
Learning to process emotions takes time and effort, especially if shunning them has been your first response. Awareness is the first step. Be patient with yourself; years of other responses take time to reprogram. Focus on progress, not perfection.
Processing emotions isn't just about managing them; it's about honoring your human experience. By holding space, describing sensations, naming emotions, and embracing them fully, you empower yourself to navigate life's challenges with clarity and resilience.
Remember, it's okay to feel. Each emotion carries a message waiting to be understood. Practice these steps with patience and self-compassion. Over time, processing emotions will become a more natural part of your journey towards personal growth and well-being.
Humans are designed to coregulate with trusted sources. Processing with a coach or mental health professional can be valuable and help you explore beyond the processing itself.
Take the first step today. Start by pausing and allowing yourself to feel whatever arises. You have the power to transform how you respond to your emotions.
I would love for you to try this process out and report to me your experience! There are several places on my website you can contact me, including my home page. Hope to hear from you soon!
High Five!
If you missed the others in this series, you can catch up here:
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Sometimes if you get a journal you can write in that. But,sometimes I will just scribble my emotions.