The Snack Trap: How I Escaped

Can avoiding emotions lead to addiction? This is a question many of us might not have considered, but it's an important one to explore.

What emotion(s) do you dislike the most? One of my least favorite emotions is boredom. It took me some time to pinpoint this emotion. I got curious about why I liked to snack when I wasn’t hungry and discovered it was my way of avoiding boredom! I also distract myself with food when I feel overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious. Eating is one of my go-to emotion distractions. Other distractions I fall prey to include cleaning, exercising, and keeping myself busy. These actions are often referred to as escapism or “buffering” from unpleasant emotions. Escapism involves turning to substances, distractions, or excessive entertainment to temporarily escape unwanted feelings or a sense of powerlessness. When taken to extremes, avoiding emotions can lead to addictions. We might repeatedly turn to the same escapes—gambling, porn, gaming, excessive shopping, overeating, overdrinking, and drug use—to avoid emotions, and these can become serious addictions.

I want to take a moment to address something I feel is important. I have associations with many people who have struggled with the issue of pornography in their relationships. If you are a partner of someone struggling with porn, please take comfort in knowing this issue has nothing to do with you as a partner. Most likely, this was an issue before you even got together. This struggle is, in large part, a result of the one suffering mismanaging emotions, just like any other addiction. Understanding this can be a crucial step in addressing the root causes of such behavior.

Another example of me avoiding emotions comes from when I was caring for my parents. The day my dad died, I remember being very busy cleaning the house. I didn’t realize then that I was running away from grief and sorrow. Fast forward three years to when my mom passed. With new awareness and tools, I was able to grieve and allow all the “feels.” It made a significant difference in finding peace sooner rather than later.

Escapism actions aren’t necessarily negative in themselves! I love a clean house, but when done to avoid emotions, they can have a net negative effect. For instance, imagine someone who feels anxious about an upcoming work presentation. Instead of addressing their anxiety or preparing for the presentation, they might clean the house excessively to distract themselves. While the house ends up spotless, they haven't dealt with their anxiety or prepared for the presentation, which might lead to poor performance and increased stress. Common buffers (that can sometimes turn into addictions) include overeating, overdrinking, overworking, over-exercising, being overly busy, binge-watching TV shows or movies, scrolling social media, shopping, gaming, porn, constantly checking emails, even taking a walk or getting a pedicure.

We all buffer in some way at some time. Don’t feel shame about it; it’s part of the human experience. Becoming aware of it can help minimize our suffering and allow us to move forward faster.

What are your go-to emotions you want to run from? What are your go-to buffers? A simple awareness and partial processing practice may be to ask yourself: Am I willing to at least acknowledge what I’m feeling before I take that bite, before I go scrolling on social media, before I shop online, before I game or indulge in porn? Uplevel that to fully processing an emotion before indulging in your favorite escaping mechanisms. As you become better at accepting and processing your feelings, the need for willpower to battle your coping mechanisms (buffering) diminishes greatly, giving you added energy. It’s Feelpower over Willpower! Willpower takes a lot of precious energy to employ.

What are your thoughts on this subject? Share them in the comments!

This is the 4th post in this series. If you missed any of the others, catch up here:

• Confessions of an Emotion Shunner (begin here)

• The Cost of Emotion Shunning – Resisting

• The Hidden Costs of Reacting to Emotions

Next post I’ll finish this series with ways to process emotions – stay tuned!

High Five!

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