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Setting Boundaries: The Power of "I Will"

outofsmallthingsli
Feb 193 min read

Diagram of "Personal boundaries" with hand-drawn branches showing related terms: comfort, skills, security, limits, confidence, etc.

Setting boundaries isn’t about controlling others. It’s about defining what you will and won’t tolerate and taking action to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. And that action starts with you, not them.


You might be thinking, But I don’t want to disappoint anyone! I get it. Many of us, especially high achievers and people-pleasers, feel like we need to keep everyone happy. But here’s the truth: when you fail to set boundaries, you risk burning out, feeling resentful, and losing sight of your own goals.

 

Here’s the thing: setting boundaries isn’t about being rigid or unkind. It’s about creating space for what matters most to you—your health, your priorities, and your peace of mind.


One of the most powerful phrases for setting boundaries is the formula:


“If you                                      , I will                                                .”


Notice the key part? "I will." That’s where your power lies.


Here are a few examples of how this works in real life:

  • At Work: If someone constantly asks you to take on extra projects when your plate is already full, instead of saying, “Please stop asking me to do this,” you could say, “If you ask me to take on an extra project when I already have a full schedule, I will respectfully say no and let you know when I have capacity.”

  • With a Partner: If your partner raises their voice during arguments, instead of saying, “Stop yelling at me!” you could say, “If you raise your voice during a disagreement, I will step away from the conversation and come back when we can talk calmly.”

  • With a Child: If your child leaves their things all over the house, instead of saying, “You need to clean up after yourself,” you could say, “If you leave your things in the living room, I will put them in a basket, and you’ll need to earn them back.”

 

These examples put the responsibility on you to enforce your boundary—not on the other person to change their behavior. You’re choosing how to respond, and that’s the key to maintaining your peace of mind.

 

Here’s what you gain when you set boundaries:

  • Clarity and focus: Saying no to extra tasks that don’t align with your priorities, even when it feels uncomfortable, helps you stay focused on what truly matters.

  • Peace of mind: Taking time for yourself without feeling guilty allows you to recharge, so you can show up as your best self.

  • Stronger relationships: Being clear about your limits with loved ones and colleagues—and sticking to them—creates healthier, more respectful connections.


And if saying no is something you struggle with, I’ve got something for you. I’ve created a free “How to Say ‘No’ (Without the Guilt)” guide to help you stop overcommitting and start protecting your most valuable resources—your time and well-being.


Remember, your boundaries are about you—the action you’re willing to take, the choices you make. They’re not about controlling what others do. And when you take that power back, you’ll find yourself making decisions with more confidence and peace.

 

High five ✋

  

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