How to Enhance ANY Relationship

Ever had a friend like Rachel who claims to be “besties” with someone, but you know it’s not mutual?

Truth bomb: Relationships are shaped by how we think about the other person.

And this doesn’t just apply to people—it works with anything you have a relationship with, like money, time, or even your job. If you find yourself frustrated with not having enough of something, consider what story you’re telling yourself about it. Just like with people, your thoughts influence these relationships too.

You might believe a good relationship requires mutual investment. Yes, reciprocation is fulfilling, but what if you want to improve a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel the same? That’s what this post is all about.

Think of someone you enjoy being around—why do you like them? Now think of someone you avoid—why is that? Chances are, it’s all about the story you’re telling yourself. It’s your thoughts that shape your feelings about them.

Most of us don’t love someone because of their height, house, how many kids they have or the car they drive (the facts). If you want to improve a relationship, start by noticing your thoughts. If you want to change a relationship, change your thoughts.

Step One: Awareness

Start paying attention to your thoughts about people and situations. Notice how these thoughts reflect your relationships. Focus on the relationships you want to improve.

Step Two: Balance the Scales

For every negative thought that arises, counter it with something positive. The goal? Shift your focus to the positive. This can be challenging if you’re upset with the person or situation, so take time to process your emotions first if needed (see previous posts on emotion processing for guidance).

Step Three: Practice Intentional Thoughts

Be deliberate with your thinking. Consciously focus on what you appreciate (or simply like) about the person or situation. Make this a regular practice to gradually shift your mindset and improve your relationships.

Step Four: Be Patient

Changing your thinking takes time. Don’t be hard on yourself—negative thoughts have been on autopilot for a while, and some of your stories might be deeply ingrained. But take charge of your thinking, and watch your relationships transform.

This practice has enriched every relationship I’ve worked on, especially the relationship I have with myself by helping me minimize negative self-talk! When it comes to others, you can’t control if your efforts are reciprocated, but you may notice a softening from the other party or even improvements in your circumstances. Then you can join me in saying, 'I love you, and there’s nothing you can do about it!'

I’d love to support you in enhancing any relationship. Book a call and let’s chat about it.

High Five!

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