You Trained Them Not To

What do you call someone who can go from 0 to 60 in 2.3 seconds meeting everyone else's demands — often before they even ask?

Someone so busy making sure the world keeps spinning that she forgets she’s the one getting dizzy?

Answer: Probably you.

It’s a funny (but not-so-funny) thing we do. We tell ourselves it’s just who we are—helpful, reliable, productive. We take pride in it. Until we don’t. Until we’re exhausted, resentful, and wondering why no one is taking care of us.

Here's the uncomfortable answer: we trained them not to.

We set the expectation that we’re fine. That we don’t need help. That we love doing everything. (Which, sure, we kinda do—until we don’t.)

So how do we start untraining that pattern?

1.    Catch yourself in the act. Notice when you’re solving a problem that wasn’t actually yours to solve. Did anyone even ask you to do this? Or did you swoop in out of habit? Just pausing to notice is a game-changer.

2.    Check in with yourself. Do you actually want to do this? Or do you just feel like you should?

3.    Start small. Whether you say it out loud or just to yourself, try: “I don’t have to do this right now.” It might feel like breaking an unspoken contract, but guess what? The world won’t end.

4.    Relearn the word “no.” It’s a complete sentence. Bonus points for saying it without over-explaining.

Here’s the truth: Your needs matter, too. You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t need permission to set a boundary. You don’t have to be everything for everyone.

And the people in your life? They're more capable than you've been letting them be. Give them the chance to show up for you. You can untrain this. But it starts with you.

High five ✋

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