What If You’re Not Broken—Just Buried?

Have you ever counted the layers in a large onion? Yeah, me neither. That takes more patience—and more tears—than I’m willing to spare.

But here’s the thing: we build layers, too. Unlike an onion, though, ours often bury who we really are instead of adding to it.

Let me ‘splain (I can’t resist a Princess Bride reference). When we’re born, few would argue that we arrive clean, pure, and innocent.

Our worth is whole and complete—and it never diminishes. Ever.

Toddlers know this instinctively. They don’t question their value. They assume everyone adores them—because why wouldn’t they?

When a couple of my grandkids were four, they LOVED the swings at the park. I’d push them, laughingly call them my “swingin’ fools,” and they’d giggle and shout, “I’m a swingin’ fool!” They didn’t pause to wonder if that was good or bad. They simply assumed it was wonderful—because they were wonderful.

One of my granddaughters loves to gaze at herself in the mirror and declare, “I’m so pretty!” Her mom sings along, “Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful... beautiful Sophie.” (Cue John Lennon fans everywhere.)

Somewhere along the way, something shifts. We start receiving messages—spoken or unspoken—about who we should be. Labels creep in, and little by little, we start layering them on.

In grade school, maybe it started with teasing: “freckle face,” “too short,” “too tall,” “too slow.” Sometimes we were teased; sometimes, sadly, the teaser—it’s all part of surviving growing up.

By middle school, the layers multiply: popularity, clothes, who got invited where. In high school, it’s grades, dating, looks, sports, fitting in—or deliberately not fitting in. College and early adulthood add new labels: “successful,” “lazy,” “responsible,” “irresponsible,” “too much,” “not enough.”

Then come the adult years, where the labels get heavier: “good mom,” “working mom,” “stay-at-home mom,” “divorced,” “single,” “married,” “church-going,” “not church-going.” Society, family, religion, and culture all start offering their definitions of what makes a “worthy” human being. And without realizing it, we agree to some of them. We start believing that worth can be earned—or lost.

But that’s not true.

Michelangelo once said (or at least is credited with saying), “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” He believed the masterpiece was already inside the stone—his job was simply to remove what wasn’t part of it.

That’s us. Each of us builds layers of marble—beliefs, labels, fears, expectations—that hide the masterpiece underneath. And it’s time for all of us to liberate ourselves from the stone layers that keep us from remembering who we already are.

How? By questioning everything—kindly, curiously, and courageously.

You don’t have to throw away every belief or label, but stop running them on autopilot.

Be intentional about what you let define you.

Surround yourself with content, people, and practices that lift you closer to your truest self.

It’s hard to see the layers when you’re the one inside the marble. That’s where coaching, therapy, or other healing modalities can help. Someone with a wider view—who isn’t tangled up in your story or believing it the way a well-meaning friend might—can help you see what’s really going on and what’s ready to be released.

You are already the masterpiece. The chiseling simply helps you remember.

I actually created a short video that walks through this exact idea—how we let labels pile up and forget our original worth. It’s one of the first presentations I ever made, so go easy on me 😉—but it’s packed with insight. You can watch it here: https://www.outofsmallthings.com/lpbornidentity.

A quick reflection:

If you could chip away just one false label today—one story that’s kept you small—what would it be?

Write it down. Then remind yourself: your worth isn’t something to earn. It’s something to remember.

High five! ✋ 

Want more than a blog pep talk? Go from reading to doing 👉 https://www.outofsmallthings.com/workwithme

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