I Caught Myself Hating Someone for Hating

And then I realized—I'm doing the exact thing I was judging them for.

Let me explain.

The other day, I drove past a protest in my town. People were holding signs against ICE, some clever, some profane, all dripping with contempt. For a moment, I thought about joining them—I've been uncomfortable with the way ICE has been conducting business too.

But as I sat at the red light reading their signs, I knew I couldn't. Several said "F*** ICE" (the whole word, not the abbreviation). I knew I'd be uncomfortable joining a group with that kind of hatred behind their protest.

I drove home still bothered. Not just by ICE. But by the protest too.

The next morning I was in my inspiration booth (aka, the shower) and I had a thought process that I found interesting and enlightening.

I'll admit: I've been frustrated at the contempt our current president has for so many people. Even those who were allies at one point can become the object of his venom with one wrong move. I know I'm not alone—I see plenty of Trump scorners on social media.

But here's the interesting part:

I see that Trump hates. And I hate his hate.

But when I dislike Trump for what he does... what am I doing? I'm doing the exact thing I'm judging HIM for doing.

I'm not sure I can absolutely hate anyone, but dislike is still on the hate spectrum.

And the ICE protesters? I wanted to join them. I agree with their cause. But when I read those vulgar signs, I realized I'd be standing there full of disdain... just like the malice I was protesting against.

When we dehumanize the people we oppose—even if we believe our cause is just—are we adding to the problem or solving it?"

So here we all are in America—hating on each other.

And every single one of us feels like our hate is justified.

Who is the boss of "good hate" vs. "bad hate"?

I'd be willing to bet each one of us is convinced we hold the higher ground. The more noble cause. I'm just as convinced as my "enemy" that my disgust is warranted.

Here's something that helped me think differently:

I thought of every one of us "haters" (on all sides of the story). Once upon a time, every single one of us was a beautiful, innocent baby. Every single one of us was a carefree child—at least for some of our childhood.

Every single one of us came with very different genetic makeup, very different upbringing, very different experiences that shaped how we think—that dictated what safety and danger meant to us.

As we grew, we each interpreted what was verbally or nonverbally taught to us in our homes, schools, churches, and communities differently.

And now we have all these people with differing viewpoints on what safety means, what love means, what is "right," what is "wrong"—and we don't have the skills to MAKE everyone come to their senses with our "common sense" way of thinking.

(I'd also like to know who the "boss" of what constitutes "common sense" is!)

And do you know who the winner of all of this is?

The master of the underworld—call it Satan, Hades, a Sith Lord, or whatever symbol you use for the force that feeds on hatred, division, and dehumanization—wins every time.

They don't really care if there's a "righteous" hate or an "evil" hate. They're thoroughly entertained by the hate show we keep participating in.

Martin Luther King Jr. once said:

"The ultimate measure of a man [and I would add woman] is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

This is where thinking differently comes into play.

And thinking differently can start by asking ourselves thought-provoking questions.

• Is it possible to face my "foes" in a way I would if it was a good friend who saw things differently than me?

• How can I stand up for my beliefs without being aggressive, offensive, or profane?

• What if the person I'm criticizing is doing the exact same thing I'm doing—just from a different starting point?

• What would it look like to refuse to add to the hate pile—even when I'm convinced my cause is just?

I don't have all the answers.

But I know this: Hating people for hating doesn't make the world less hateful. It just makes more haters.

And I refuse to let the underworld win that easily.

What about you?

Where are you on the hate spectrum?

And what would it look like to think differently—even about the people you're convinced don't deserve your compassion?

High five! ✋ 

Want more than a blog pep talk? Go from reading to doing 👉 https://www.outofsmallthings.com/workwithme

Like what you read?

Subscribe below so you don’t miss the next post—and if this helped you, share it with a friend who might need the same boost today.