What My Coach Said About FOMO That I Can't Stop Thinking About

FOMO — Fear Of Missing Out — is a real thing. We joke about it, but when it's quietly running under the surface, it eats up precious mental cache. And mental capacity? Not infinite.

I've coached clients on it, and honestly, it's been a small thorn in my own side plenty of times.

Recently, I was in a group coaching session when FOMO came up. My coach said something like, "What do you mean you have FOMO? We don't need to be afraid of missing out — we're always missing out on something. Think about everything going on in the world. We can't possibly do it all."

Duhhhh. Mic drop. 🎤

It made me think back on all my past FOMO moments — and how many times I finally "did the thing" I just couldn't say no to, only to find it was... fine. Not grand. Not life-changing. Just fine. What I learned: just because something is awesome for someone else doesn't mean it's going to be awesome for me.

FOMO is fear-driven, and when fear is in the driver's seat of our decisions, we're reacting — not choosing. I've let fear-as-a-decision-driver take up too much of my past, and I'm not rolling out the welcome mat for it in my future. So instead of saying yes to every sparkly flag that comes waving my direction, I've started vetting my FOMO moments.

Here's what that looked like in real life:

I recently traveled to South Africa with my daughter — she had a work commitment, but we carved out several days to explore. While we were there, her coworkers told her she had to go see a local rugby match. She passed along the excitement, and I felt it immediately: that familiar anxiety rising. We HAVE to go or… or… or what, exactly?

I had no answer. We rarely do in a FOMO moment — and how often do we even stop to ask why we want "the thing" in the first place?

This was my first real chance to practice what I'd learned. I slowed down and processed the anxiety first — because when emotions are running hot, the brain isn't fully "online." Once I settled, I checked in honestly: Do I actually want to go to this rugby game?

I didn't. And I was totally fine with my daughter going with her work friends!

(Okay, I might have wanted to go "a little" — but that's kind of the point. I don't want to do things that are just a little intriguing. 😄)

Here's where it gets good: one of her coworkers offered to take us on a private tour of Cape Town — but the only day he could do it was the day of the rugby game. My daughter chose the tour without hesitation. So did I.

It ended up being one of the best days of the entire trip. Behind-the-scenes Cape Town, a local guide, memories we couldn't have planned. All because we let the FOMO flag wave right on past us.

One more thing worth naming: FOMO is an enemy to gratitude. When we're fixated on what we might be missing, we're focused on lack — and that's the opposite of the mental hygiene that keeps us grounded and clear.

I'm not saying avoid every FOMO moment. Some of them are aligned, exciting, and worth a wholehearted yes. But before you commit, run it through your internal wisdom filter. If it passes, great — go all in. If it doesn't? Let it wave its streamers at someone else.

FOMO only has power when you forget you're the one doing the choosing.

High five! ✋ 

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